Crowded World

TIME & DISTANCE

The premise is that the further away I am from home, the higher my anxiety is. The longer I am away, the more anxious I feel.

Formal desentization exercises started in December 2011. Agoraphobia peaked in late 2013, and has been receding since.

When I go somewhere, the mode of transportation seems to matter. I can drive roughly half the distance that I can ride as a passenger in a car. Alternatively, driving is 5 units more difficult than being driven. Catching a bus or train is somewhere in between. Every four months, the distance that I can drive increases by 2.42km.

BEING AT HOME (INSIDE)


(being inside boost: + 6 blocks)

(looking outside handicap: - 5 blocks)

HAVE PANIC ATTACK, BUT RARELY
HAVE DONE, BUT FELT ANXIOUS (OVEREXPOSED)
1. Completed online surveys while listening to music: November 2014.
2. Teach 5 lessons in a row at home alone, without background noise and interruption: September 23, 2017.

CAPABLE OF DOING FOR A VERY SHORT STOP MIDWAY (5-10MIN)
1. Browsing Mum's computer on the back deck, before iTalki lesson: August 15, 2016.
2. Humming music in the shower with 8 classes in front of me: August 17, 2016.

CAPABLE OF DOING FOR A SHORT TIME (20-40MIN)
1. I can listen to music while working on a computer before iTalki lessons, in an empty house: September 23, 2015.

CAPABLE OF DOING FOR A LONG TIME (1-2 HOURS)
1. Teaching a 1-hour lesson at home, without background noise and interruption: September 2015.

CAPABLE OF DOING FOR A VERY LONG TIME (2-4 HOURS)
1. Teach 2 iTalki Lessons in a Row at Home Alone: December 30 2015.

CAN DO ALL DAY, BUT WITH BACKGROUND ANXIETY (4-8 HOURS)
1. Being at home: August 2014. Base anxiety level: type 6.


BEING OUTSIDE


(driving handicap: 200 per cent)


WALKING


HAVE PANIC ATTACK, BUT RARELY
1. Walking in Myoden, Chiba Prefecture, Japan: 2010. 2km from home.
2. Walking to Motoyawata, Chiba Prefecture, Japan: February 2011 (day of Christchurch Earthquake). 1.5km from home.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH SHORT STOP MIDWAY (20-40MIN)

1. Walking from Wyong to Tuggerah Hungry Jacks: April 5 2017. 14km from home.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A LONG STOP MIDWAY (1-2 HOURS)

1. San Remo. 13km round trip.
2. Gorokan Barber (getting haircut): January 6 2015. 5km round trip. (Let's assume a handicap of 2.5 units!)
3. Norah Head round trip (from a night base in Toukley!): June 8 2016. 8km round trip (destination 10km from home!)

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A VERY LONG STOP (2-4 HOURS)

1. Harvey Norman, Lake Haven: December 29 2014.
2. Toukley: January 14 2015. 11km round trip.


RIDING AS A PASSENGER (CAR)


HAVE DONE, BUT FELT VERY ANXIOUS (PRE-PANIC) | ANXIETY LEVEL: 2.5/5
1. Drive to Berkeley Vale Private Hospital with Mason in car: September 11, 2017. 37km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING QUICKLY, WITHOUT LOITERING, REASONABLY RELAXED

1. Drive to Berkeley Vale and Killarney Vale: October 1 2014. 54km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A MODERATELY SHORT STOP (10-20 MINUTES)

1. Tuggerah Westfield, via Motorway: January 4 2015. 44km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH SHORT STOP MIDWAY (20-40MIN)

1. Tuggerah.
2. Shopping at Coles at Lake Haven.
3. Buttonderry Tip. 26km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A LONG STOP MIDWAY (1-2 HOURS)

1. Michael's House. 20km round trip.
2. Mardi. 36km round trip.
3. Baptism at St Cecilia's Church, Wyong: February 8, 2015.
3. The Entrance: October 26 2014. 40km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A VERY LONG STOP (2-4 HOURS)

1. Tacoma Oval: May 5 2016. 18km round trip.
2. The Entrance: October 23 2016. 39km round trip.


CATCHING A BUS


CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A MODERATELY SHORT STOP (10-20 MINUTES)
1. Tuggerah Westfield (Overexposed): December 8 2014. 34km round trip; journey time: 55 minutes.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A LONG STOP (1-2 HOURS) | ANXIETY LEVEL: 1.6/5
1. Budgewoi town centre (Overexposed): October 3 2014. 22km round trip; journey time: 36mins.
2. San Remo Shopping Centre: April 20 2015. 10km round trip.
3. Noraville: September 15 2015. 14km round trip.
4. Watanobbi (Overexposed): January 11, 2016. 22km round trip.
5. Goorama Avenue #1, San Remo: February 16 2016. 11km round trip.
6. Wadalba: April 12 2016. 17km round trip.
7. Watanobbi: June 27 2016. 22km round trip.


DRIVING A CAR


(handicaps: speed, confinement, attention)

HAVE DONE, BUT FELT VERY ANXIOUS (PRE-PANIC) | ANXIETY LEVEL: 2.5/5
1. Wyburg via Budgewoi: . 32km round trip.

HAVE DONE, BUT FELT ANXIOUS (OVEREXPOSED)
1. Drive around Budgewoi Lake: June 18 2014. 24km round trip. Assuming unfamiliarity/new trip handicap of 400 per cent, speed handicap of 250 per cent.
2. Drive to Pelican Beach Road: August 30 2014. 22km round trip. Assuming unfamiliarity/new trip handicap of 300 per cent, speed handicap of 300 per cent.
3. Drive around Budgewoi Lake (via Doyalson, clockwise): November 11, 2014. 24km round trip

CAPABLE OF DOING QUICKLY, WITHOUT LOITERING, REASONABLY RELAXED

1. Drive to Budgewoi roundabout: May 11 2014. 20km round trip.
2. Drive to Wyong Station. 24km round trip.
3. Drive to Budgewoi roundabout #2. 22km round trip.
4. Drive around Budgewoi Lake (via San Remo): October 21 2014. 24km round trip.
5. Drive to Wyong town centre, return via Watanobbi: November 16, 2014. 28km round trip.
6. Drive to Magenta Shores Golf Club: January 24 2015. 26km round trip.
7. Wyong Christian Community School: February 26 2015. 26km round trip.
8. Buttonderry Waste Management Facility: March 3 2015. 26km round trip.
9. Tuggerah Straight: March 11 2015. 26km round trip.
10. Wyee (Gosford Road): April 2 2015. 18km round trip.
11. Doyalson RSL: April 3 2015.
12. Lake Munmorah: June 24 2015.
13. The Entrance North: July 8 2015. 32km round trip.
14. Wyee Railway Station (via Gosford Road): August 31 2015. 23km round trip
15. Sunnylake Shores, Lake Munmorah (via Toukley): September 13, 2015. 32km round trip.
16. South Tacoma: September 23, 2015. 34km round trip.
17. Jilliby Cemetery: October 5 2015.
18. Wyong via Hue Hue Road: October 11 2015.
19. Wyee via Hue Hue Road, return via Charmhaven: December 26 2015.
20. Wyburg via Budgewoi: January 19, 2016. 32km round trip.
21. Tuggerah Roundabout: January 29 2016.
22. Wyee via Bushells Ridge Road: July 15, 2016.
23. Webber Rd, Wyee: July 29, 2016. 24km round trip.
24. Roberts St, The Entrance North: August 25, 2016. 36km round trip.
25. Watagan Forest Drive, Jilliby: November 21, 2016. 34.8km round trip.
26. Bethshan Gardens, Wyee: December 10, 2016. 25.8km round trip.
27. Birdie Beach Drive, Freemans: December 26, 2016. 35.4km round trip.
28. Lake Munmorah Loop: January 11, 2017. 30km round trip.
29. Lake Munmorah Shopping Centre: May 25, 2017. 22km round trip.
30. The Entrance: June 29, 2017. 40km round trip.
31. TreeTops Wyong Creek: September 6, 2017. 40km round trip.
32. Berkeley Vale Private Hospital: November 2, 2017. One-way trip: 18.7km.
33. Ivy Ave, Chain Valley Bay: November 28, 2017. 29.4km round trip.


CAPABLE OF DOING WITH VERY SHORT STOP MIDWAY (5-10MIN)
1. Drive to Budgewoi roundabout: June 22 2014. 24km round trip.
2. Warnervale Railway Station: June 28 2014. 16km round trip.
3. Soldiers Beach: July 2 2014. 18km round trip.
4. Drive to Baker Park, Wyong: September 1, 2014.
5. Drive to Pelican Beach Road: September 10 2014. 22km round trip. May have benefited from danger boost.
6. Drive to Kooindah Waters Golf Club: December 16 2014. 22km round trip.
7. Drive to Warnervale Airport: January 12 2015. 20km round trip.
8. Drive to Budgewoi roundabout #2. 28km round trip: February 10 2015. 28km round trip.
9. Drive to Magenta Shores Golf Club: January 24 2015. 26km round trip.
10. Wyong Christian Community School (stopping at Watanobbi): July 30 2015. 26km round trip.
11. Wyee (Gosford Road): August 27 2015. 26km round trip.
12. Jilliby Cemetery (via Wyong): June 22 2016.
13. Wyee Shops: December 4 2016.
14. Elizabeth Bay Park: January 16 2017. 32km round trip.
15. Karagi Point Reserve, North Entrance: January 20 2017. 35km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH MODERATELY SHORT STOP MIDWAY (10-20MIN)
1. Drive to Norah Head. 19km round trip.
2. Drive to San Remo: June 26 2014. 20km round trip.
3. Drive to Blue Haven: July 22 2014. 20km round trip.
4. Drive to Budgewoi roundabout: August 3 2014. 24km round trip
5. Waiting at OPSM, Lake Haven Shopping Centre: August 23 2014. 2.5km round trip.
6. Soldiers Beach: November 12 2014. 18km round trip.
7. Drive to Budgewoi Coles (shopping): January 21 2016. 24km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH SHORT STOP MIDWAY (20-40MIN)
1. Drive to Toukley. 11km round trip.
2. Drive to Hamlyn Terrace. 11km round trip.
3. Drive to Norah Head: September 6 2014. 19km round trip.
4. Drive to San Remo: November 30 2014. 15km round trip.
5. Drive to Toukley Coles (shopping): January 15 2015. 11km round trip.

CAPABLE OF DOING WITH A LONG STOP MIDWAY (1-2 HOURS) | ANXIETY LEVEL: 1.6/5
1. Lake Haven Shopping Centre. 2.5km round trip.

2. Gorokan Barber (taking Dad): August 7 2014. 5km round trip.
3. Gorokan Dentist, taking Dad: August 21 2014. 5km round trip.
4. Drive to Hamlyn Terrace. 11km round trip.



KEY
Action first completed autumn 2014
Action first completed winter 2014
Action first completed spring 2014
Action first completed summer 2014/15
Action first completed autumn 2015
Action first completed winter 2015
Action first completed spring 2015
Action first completed summer 2015/16
Action first completed autumn 2016
Action first completed winter 2016
Action first completed spring 2016
Action first completed summer 2016/17
Action first completed autumn 2017
Action first completed winter 2017
Action first completed spring 2017