h i n d u - a d u l t e r y|
ADULTERY ---- Is it a Sin?
WHERE DOES HINDUISM STAND ON ADULTERY AND ONE NIGHT STANDS? A few years ago I was virtually abducted by the owner and staff of my hotel near the Taj Mahal in Mumbai, ostensibly for a trip out for "ice cream". We did eat some of that famous Chowpatty ice cream actually, but this was really the main course -- dessert was a visit to the sprawling red light district of Kamathipura. And my, what a desert of vice and moral depravity it was! To the bemusement of the hotel owner and his staff, I rejected invitations to join them for a little bodily massage in the dilapidated cubicles upstairs, insisting that I stay put in the taxi. I could feel their thoughts, just as I had felt them once, in Indonesia: What's the matter with this guy? Is he gay? Why doesn't he want a girl here? I am sure that was what they were thinking. So I told them straight out: "I already have a girlfriend in Japan. I don't want to betray her. Besides, I don't need to pay for sex." And one of the porters replied: "She's in Japan, you're here!" So stop being such a pussy, and join us up there sowing some wild oats. That must have been what they were thinking, I am sure of it. Since you're going to be paying for all us to get our rocks off, you might as well partake in the pleasures too! But I stood my ground, and waited it out in the taxi in the sari stained streets, Bollywood music blaring from the tape deck. One moment of regret, when I went upstairs to check up on the guys: one of the girls up there was really cute! I had given up my chance of a little fun with her, but I have my principles, and I can't budge, even when it is to my detriment. I am stubborn like that, much to the chagrin of my friends in India, Indonesia, and I am sure all the buddies I am going to have in Indochina in the coming years. What can you do: that is my nature. But less about me, and more about them, those Indian hotel staff from the Hotel Shanti:
Now these blokes were all good Hindus, and some of them doubtless were married. Where does Hinduism stand on cheating on your girlfriends or wives, or frequenting red light districts, whether they be in Delhi or Mumbai? What do the scriptures say about adultery (to some the ultimate betrayal)? What is the Hindu view of sex before marriage and online dating and all these other modern trends? A good question is worth a hundred bland answers, as someone famous may have said at some time. But keeping it to the topic of adultery for the time's being, here are some perspectives:
THE TRADITIONAL VIEW ---- Adultery Weakens the Social Order.
"Hindu law books are very severe against adultery," says The Hindu Website, "not only for moral reasons but also for social reasons. They consider that it would lead to confusion of castes, degradation of family values and social disorder. In olden days women from upper castes were barred from moving in society."
"As I mentioned in one of the earlier sawaal answers," wrote a poster on ibibo Sawaal Expert Answers, "Hinduism never considered marrying more than one woman a sin or adulterous at any point of time... I won't call Hinduism adulterous. The concept of adultery was a bit different from as we understand in Christian traditions. One man could marry as many women who were not wedded to any other male. It was believed that if they were all devoted to him then it did not matter, how many he married as long as he was financially strong and able to maintain them and physically healthy to give all of them conjugal pleasure without displeasing any or showing partiality to any. In this context I would like to narrate the story of the moon god who married the 64 starlet daughters of a certain king..."
From Hinduism Exposed: "Indra is the head of all gods. Amarawati was his celestial residence. Arjun was born to Indra as a result of his clandestine adultery with Pandu's wife, he had no hesitation in committing adultery with the wives of other men. One day when Indra saw Ruchi, the beautiful wife of Devasarma, he became extremely passionate and wanted to seduce her. But Ruchi chased Indra out ,and he had to go away disappointed..."
"Is it frobidden? - No, and it would be "playing God" to say that it is since Vishnu Himself never forbade it in the Vedas or in any other Scripture.
" No because it is fulfilling the physical need for sex through a legitimate way, rather than an illegitimate way (such as rape, incest, fornication, adultery, etc.). The other legitimate way will be to have the "real thing" with your wife or husband (homosexuality isn't forbidden, either).
"The reasons behind this view - The body builds up sexual tension because the body isn't fulfilling its physical need for sex. To release this tension in a legitimate way other than sex with your spouse, you masturbate. The reason why semen is ejaculated (in males) is because the body needs to release this semen which is building up, and this is how it does it. You aren't "tricking your body" as others say.
"I follow View #1 (while also believing in the reasons behind both views) because of what Lord Vishnu says in both the Garuda Purana and in the Bhagavad Gita, and that is to deny your senses in favor of Bhakti, or devotion, to Lord Vishnu..."
One of these stages is the life of the celibate
student (Brahma Charya), which precedes the stage
of the married householder (Grihasta). Celibacy is
considered the appropriate behavior for both male
and female students (or unmarried singles who have
left school). A person receives good Karma if he
follows the stages of life (four Ashramas).
He taught the practice to Pan, so that the woodland god no longer suffered his habitual frustration. Thereafter Pan learned to give pleasure to others as well as to himself." (Source: Jack In Library.)
Why Hindus Worship the Shiv Ling by Kartik Mohan reads: "First, to answer the question. Philip asks, why is it that we worship the Shiv Ling- isn't it Shiva's penis? My reply to that is yes, and that is exactly the reason. The Shiv Ling, depicted in consummate union with the Yoni ( vulva ) of Shakti, is representative of the most wonderful and miraculous feature of life itself. What distinguishes life from non-life, after all? Above all else, the ability to reproduce its own kind. If we are to revere the concept that life itself is sacred- which even the Christians claim to believe- why is the most characteristic feature of life, the act of progenition, any less sacred? It is not only sex we are talking about here. It is the consummation of the vast and different energies of the male and female universal prerogative, of which the Shiv Ling in union is a symbol- celebrating the fact that humankind has two sexes, each with its unique attributes and qualities, and when they come together, they produce a synergy, they create MORE life, they become more than the sum of their individual parts. Many ancient civilisations recognized the wonder of this concept- including the Chinese, who represent it somewhat more abstractly in the symbol of Yin and Yang. It is a tribute to these ancient and wise people that they were able to perceive true miracles, true wonderment, in the very features of life which surround us in our everyday existence. They did not need to have some man walk upon water to see a miracle, nor see crippled people cured instantaneously- or, worse yet, read about it in some book and call their blind adherence to such beliefs "faith".
"Now. My friend Philip was actually horrified, appalled, revolted by the very idea that we heathens could worship something such as a penis. The REALLY interesting question is, WHY? "
DANGERS OF THE CHATROOM ---- A Case Study.
heaven lee michael from Vizag, India, on Sukh Dukh writes: "im a 19 year old girl blonging to a aurthodox family (sic),i met a guy on a chat 2 years back on 2nd march 2007,we exchanged our numbers and friendship gradually turned to b love ,that boy proposed me 6 days after we started chatting,this guy lives in a different place that is really far from me where he is doing his engineering,im also a student,i took almost 2 months to think well and accepted his proposal,from our first chatting itself i told him that im not in to the timepass buisness and requires serious relationship,he said that he was seriously in to me,we saw each other for the first time on cam than,than time just went on but i was always loyal to him even though i was far away from him bcoz i had lot of respect for him and my love,within the first year it was really rossy and we shared lots of things abt our lives,during this time he told me that his first love was a girl from his school,he was madly in love with her but they never went along and finally after schooling they were seperated and dint met eachother since than,i took it as his past ,he also said that he slept with a girl already,i even accepted that, than time went on and after an year and 4 months he said that he is coming to meet me,I was overjoyed bcoz it was dream come true as I was going to meet my love after such long time,he came on 23rd july 2008,
that day I ruined my life ,I donft knowingly or unknowingly but I did,I met him in his hotel ,we spended the day together and things started getting wrong and he started asking me for having sex,I refused him a lot at first but he started pleading continuously,and said that he was still a virgin and when I asked him about all that he said he said that he said all that to know how much I accept him,I trusted him ,trusted everything he said and slept with him,I lost my virginity to him,he promised me of marrieage ,I made a fool of myself,after 4 days he left the place and went to where he belong,and once he went there things changed,he started being rude to me,I bcame pregnant and when I told him that he said that we both were not eligible enough to take care of a kid,so better get it aborted I did what he said to me,bcoz I was not left with anyother option even if wanted to keep the child, I couldnft,
he was getting more rude everyday,after a month he told me that the girl he once loved came to him and said that she is in love with him,I asked him wether he told her about me,he said he dint and he donft want to becoz he donft wana loose her friendship,I couldnft take it and cried a lot,on my force he accepted to tell her but after that he started being really very rude and almost started avoiding me ,and when ever I called him he started shouting on me, I couldnft take it and knew that I ruined myself and fooled so much that now I cant even have the man I love any more,I decided to end up myself and tried to do so, im the only child to my parents ,but I did such a great mistake that dint have the guts to face them anymore and realizing what a great mistake I did I tried suiscide but I was saved,and when he came to know also he dint mind much,
finally I felt that I cant battle anymore so I just called him and said that I cant hold on anymore with such a relationship where everyday im fighting with the one who I love the most,and said that if he really loved me he would understand and if he dint love me truly than he whatever he feels like he can do,later after 2 days he called me apologizing for all that,
he said that the girl is just a good friend of him asnd he truly loves me ,I trusted him again ,became a fool again,things got calmed as I thought my love is with me but later I came to know he slept with another girl who he met in a disco when I asked him about it at first he accepted and when he saw that I was about to cry he said he dint and was just joking,
I trusted him again,during the entire relationship he wounded me many times and I became a fool back of a man who did all the shit in this world and always tried to fool me,he wounded me lot of times emotionally and again used to say sorry ,
On december12th 2008,he asked me will u marry me !i accepted offcourse for I felt that tmy efforts are working out finally,from that day he started being very loving
It was almost a dream come true he changed a lot almost beautifully taking care of me,but the tensions I face dpreviously throwed me in to a dreadful damage of 2 nerves in my brain and now im often suffering from nose bleeding because of that,he started being very caring towards me , I felt nice about that and dint feel bad for being sick.even though it was all because of him,
Yesterday he told me about his past completely that he not only slept with lots of girls not only before our relationship but even after that ,and when he slept with me he was not a virgin than
I felt really wounded bcoz I accepted everything in him but unnecessarily he was lying to me just to make me sleep with him,and the girl from the disco,he also had sex with her even after being in a commitment with me ,he cheated on me,but he is saying that he did this before he proposed me for marrieage and since he proposed me he never did that and never ever thought about it but now im not able to trust him any more ,I said I love him still but seriously I donft think I love him any more but cant walk out of this relation ship as I ruined my self enough ,will the rest of my life will be a compromise, or is he true about what he is saying?i donft know and donft understand even,
I want my love to survive,I wana be happy,but I cant think of another man in my life because I cant rust anyone ever,I started hating things around me,
I lost my respect,my pride,my virginity,my happiness,my love ,my health everything what else is left in my life I donft know what to do with my life ,what to do with my love
Pls suggest me what to do
For example, Hindu's worship the elephant-headed Ganesha before beginning any religious, spiritual or worldly activity, as He is said to remove obstacles and ensures success. With her necklace of skulls and near permanently poked out tongue, Kali (the Dark Mother) is one of the more fearsome Hindu deity. This goddess, however, can provide devotees with a very loving and intimate bond, in spite of her fearful appearance. In this relationship, the worshipper becomes a child and Kali assumes the form of the ever-caring mother. I used to live with an American girl who worshipped Kali, and she faithfully wore a skull necklace wherever she went. Lord Vishwakarma is the architect's god and the presiding deity of all craftsmen. Son of Brahma, he is the divine draftsman of the whole universe, and the official builder of all the gods' palaces. Vishwakarma is also the designer of all the flying chariots of the gods, and all their weapons. If you are a craftsman perhaps you should consider praying to him every September 17 to gain some higher inspiration!
CROSS CULTURAL STUDIES ---- Adultery in Quaranic and Hindu Scriptures.
DOUBLE AAAA FROM HOUSTON, TEXAS PROVIDES AN INTERESTING COMPARISON BETWEEN ADULTERY IN HINDU AND ISLAMIC SCRIPTURES AT TOPIX: "Quran: You shall not commit adultery; it is a gross sin, and an evil behavior (Sura 17:32)
"Islam totally forbids incest and adultery and it is a major sin and crime under Islamic law.
"Hindu Scriptures Encourage Incest And Adultery:
"LORD KRSNA'S FOOLISH DRUNKEN WIVES ARE READY TO COMMIT INCEST WITH HIS SON (SAMBA)
"Samba's mischief and that of the women combine here in one neat episode: he misbehaves with them. Thus the destruction of the race of the Yadus (Yadavas) is blamed on Krsna's wives, on Krsna's son, and on the rage of Krsna himself:
"'One day Narada came to Dvaraka to see Krsna. All the Yadu boys received him with respect, but Samba, proud of his young beauty and deluded by the fated, inevitable force of the curse, disregarded Narada. To teach Samba a lesson, Narada told Krsna that all of Krsna's sixteen thousand wives were in love with Samba. Samba (Krsna's son) was summoned, and the women, whose minds were blurred by wine, showed unmistakable signs of passion when Samba appeared. Furious, Krsna cursed them to be carried off by barbarians after his death, and he cursed Samba to be afflicted with leprosy. Therefore the women were carried away under the very eyes of Arjuna. Later, Samba remembered what had happened before, and as he was impelled by inevitable fate, he enraged the sage Durvasas and prompted the curse that destroyed his whole family.'" -- Samba Purana 3:6-55; Bhavisya Purana 1:72-73.
"From Lord Indra to Lord Siva to Lord Rama to Lord Krsna, the characters & their families are utterly dysfunctional and sexually perverted..."
To which Ammas replies: "Sexuality is a basic but most essential recognition that humans need other humans for survival and also that humans are capable of giving and receiving love and affection from birth to death. Sexuality is a complex phenomenon which involves interaction between one's (a) biological sex (b) core gender identity (c) gender identity and (d) gender role behaviour. From ancient times India belongs to Hinduism both in religion and as a culture. The famous Kama Sutra is the work of an Indian Hindu Saint- seeks not to repress sexuality, but to perfect it. By perfecting the act of divine sex, including masturbation, as seen depicted at the 10th century Hindu temple of Khajuraho, one clears the mind of earthly desires, leaving the soul on a higher level devoid of such worries, filled with bliss, and relaxed.
"The ability to set up boundaries for the self. Self-control can be expanded into several different areas, ranging from respect to willpower. Self-control is therefore centered in the ability of a person to exert their will over the inhibitions of their body or self. People demonstrate great differences in their level of self-control. It can be affected because of illness and past experiences and it can be improved through the course of life through dedication and will power.
"Masturbation - whether by a man or a woman, whether he/she is single or married - is normal. But in married life masturbation should not affect the joint sexual life. If your masturbation habit affects the married sexual life (partnership sexual life) then it is wrong for you. You have to decide if masturbation is ok with you and for the sexual satisfaction which is highly required in married life in order to concrete the relationship secure, sharing and the mutuality. Masturbation is definitely better than cheating. It is definitely not a sin. A lot of married men or women masturbate but they donft admit out of embarrassment or for privacy, but they do and there is nothing wrong with it.
"If you can indulge you in more spiritual deeds then you will be able to control masturbation. Indulge in more sex with your partner. Give yourself and your partner more sexual satisfaction in regular. Avoid loneliness. You masturbate because your body and mind need more sexual pleasure and its release than what you are getting from partnership sex... "
ADULTERY AS A GROUND FOR DIOVORCE ---- Under the Hindu Marriage Act.
The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 came into existence, eight years after the independence of the country. Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act deals with the grounds on which the parties can seek a decree of divorce from a competent court having jurisdiction to entertain such petition.
In the literal sense "divorce" means a legal separation of two persons of the opposite sex who desire to respect and honour each other. Shakespeare expresses the term in "The comedy of errors", "And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring, And break it with a deep divorcing vow?"
Grounds for Divorce:
Following are the grounds under which either of the parties are entitled to seek a decree of divorce under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955:
4. Conversion or Change of religion
7. Venereal disease
8. Renunciation of World
9. Presumption of death
10. Non-resumption of cohabitation after passing a decree for judicial separation
11. Non-resumption of cohabitation after passing of a decree for restitution of conjugal rights.
According to H. L. Mencheh, adultery in the literal sense means "an application of democracy to love". Adultery means the offence of incontinence by married persons.
In Mahalingam Pillai Vs. Amravalli, it was held that one general intercourse after the solemnisation of marriage is sufficient to make a case. An attempt at general intercourse is not enough some penetration, however, brief, it may be, must be proved.
Burden of Proof:
It is very difficult to produce direct evidence to prove an act of adultery. Adultery is a matrimonial offence as well as a criminal offence. The requirement of proof in a criminal case is stricter than the requirement in a matrimonial case. In the former case the act is to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, whereas in the latter the evidence is based on the inferences and possibilities.
Thus the offence of adultery may be proved by:
1. Circumstantial evidence
2. By evidence as to non-access and birth of a child
3. By evidence of visits to brothels
4. By contracting venereal diseases
5. Confession and admission to parties; and
6. Preponderance of probability
The first step is to learn about the many different gods and what they represent. The second step is to pray to them in some way and thus integrate some of their energies into your own life. Whether the Hindu gods are real beings or only Jungian archetypes, they can help you get more out of your own life. They are here to teach you a lesson. They have certainly taught me a lot, and I am grateful to them!
Contact the author Rob Sullivan at firstname.lastname@example.org. Copyright February 2012.