WO, THIS HAD to be the strangest posting of Cas Croon's career! Him, Bjork's bodyguard? It all began in March when he was summoned to the Icelandic Embassy in London in what he presumed the normal kind of "cloak and dagger deal". Instead he got a near desperate story of how Iceland's number one cultural import had been placed in peril. A mad stalker was following the deva around the world, and her bedroom had already been penetrated twice. To resolve the problem, the Icelandic Government had devised a rather strange solution.

<<This goes to the heart of our national economy>> the dourfaced ambassador said. <<Bjork is our number one cultural import, she's attracted untold millions in tourist revenue. You're a British man, Mr Croon, you understand the value of a healthy monarchy>>

<<But why me? I'm just a simulator?>> Croon couldn't believe his ears. The guy could hold himself in a fight, knew 13 styles of martial arts - but surely there were better beefcakes for such a job.

<<You don't like Bjork?>> an official asked. It was the year 2023, and the retro explosion was still in brisk form.

<<Man, I fucking love the girl. I think she's hot. I just don't know why you picked for this kind of line of work.>>

The official said something very quick and gashing to the ambassador, who nodded in smiled agreement. <<Of course>> he said in English <<we'd want our man in pretty close and intimate. Bjork's bedchamber has already been invaded - we can't take any risks. And we've heard about your bedroom manner>>

<<Haven't you heard she sleeps with her bodyguards!>> the official said and laughed.

Cassius Croon and other characters copyright Robert Sullivan 1996-2000.